The Paris Olympics - 4/15/24

Qu’est-ce que c’est? 

Anyone familiar with French culture understands you don’t give a country like that an international stage without expecting something over the top. And, they certainly didn’t disappoint, at least from a shock value perspective.

After Celine Deon performed “Hymne à l'amour” by the French singer Édith Piaf from the base of the Eiffel Tower, things started to unravel as a French heavy metal band that goes by the name of Gojira gave what many interpreted to be satanic performance, something a spokesman for the group denies. Now I can't really comment on that as it's all way out of my element.

But that just set the tone for what would become one of the most controversial openings in the history of the games. Seemingly adopting a revolutionary theme and emphasizing that freedom must not be suppressed in any way—that cultural diversity should be embraced with no limits or qualifiers (or clothes for that matter), the entertainment started with a mostly naked singer who’d been painted blue joined by a blond-bearded drag queen on all fours thrusting to the hammering beat of “Freed From Desire.”

Numerous references to body parts abounded according to those who speak the native tongue and there seemed to be something of a menage à trois forming before the camera cut away, replaced by two men embracing and holding hands in what was apparently meant to convey a message that everyone has a right to love whoever they want. I’m not sure how that connects with athletes from all over the world competing in what is essentially a kinder gentler version of gladiators fighting to their death in the Roman Colosseum, but okay, it’s your show.

However, the part that caused the most backlash was led by a lady wearing a silver headdress resembling a halo. Various dancers in drag flanked her, the whole thing evincing images of Leonardo’s The Last Supper, which depicts the moment Jesus Christ reveals who will betray him.

Needless to say, the whole thing wasn’t well-received by many, and it did seem like a cheap opportunity to pick a fight with a large part of the international audience. I can imagine the horror that NBC executives experienced as they sensed a collective “click” of televisions turning off. And, one wonders how an event like this would have been received had the show disparaged a significant Muslim historical event.

The official response from the show’s coordinator was that it was in no way intended as a mockery of Christianity and it was instead a reference to Dutch painter Jan Van Bijlert’s painting, “Feast of the Gods.” 

Either way, the show was obviously designed to provoke and outrage.

So, well done Paris Olympic organizers…. Mission accomplished! 

After that rocky start and over the course of the next two weeks, many great things were accomplished by the American teams, including our Houston hometown hero, Simone Biles, collecting more gold medals (and one silver) for her already-full trophy cabinets. And, the American men’s and women’s basketball teams won gold, something that’s always expected but turned out closer than most thought it would be.

However, there were also some quirky moments outside of the La Cage Aux Folles-like atmosphere of the opening show. Things that seemed well-suited for this particularly wacky flavor of the Paris games. And after everyone forgets who won what medals, several memories of the infamous 2024 Paris Summer Olympic Games will remain…at least for me.

Are they really gonna swim in that?

When I first heard that triathletes in Paris would be required to complete the swimming leg of the competition in the iconic Seine River, I thought maybe it was a joke. Like any large body of water next to a bustling city, nobody really thinks about getting close enough for an errant gust of wind to splash the deep-brown liquid on you, much less fully submerging in it. And, there are sections where the putrid aroma makes it very clear that sewage funnels to the river regularly, particularly after heavy rain.

Swimming in the Seine had been banned in the 1920s until about ten years ago when billions of Euros were pumped into an effort to clean it up to some degree. But the intention was never to make it swimmable, at least not until Paris was awarded the 2024 Summer Games. 

For me, swimming in the Seine would be similar to diving into Hong Kong's Victoria Harbor, or the canals in Amsterdam. Something one would only attempt as a last resort to avoid impending doom, like a thermonuclear event or an asteroid strike.

However, after a massive cleanup effort, those in charge were adamant that anyone competing was required to comply. The results were mixed with some saying they became ill while others (at least so far) appear to be unscathed. 

But it seems clear that the margin of safety was extremely thin since some events were delayed when bacteria levels increased to unacceptable levels. It didn’t help when one female swimmer said she felt things in there that a person should never have to experience. 

Thankfully, she didn’t elaborate. 

I’m trying to maintain a level of optimism that we won’t be reading about an increase in hepatitis or strange skin diseases from affected triathletes in the coming days. But at least all can say they were the first people to (intentionally) swim in the Seine in over a hundred years. And likely the last for a hundred more.

John Wick’s Turkish Cousin—Yusuf 

In another viral internet moment, Turkish shooter Yusuf Dikec had the world talking about his stone-cold demeanor while winning silver in the shooting competition. With his free hand tucked in his pants pocket, and electing not to wear any high-tech vision gear, Yusuf looked every bit like a hitman straight from central casting.

Afterward, Yusuf confessed that his calm demeanor was a facade and that, in his words, “Storms were raging on the inside.” He also said that he’d be returning in 2028. I didn’t see the interview but imagine him doing his best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression and saying, “I’ll be back.” 

Sir, is that thing within regulation? 

A French pole vaulter's Olympic dreams were shattered when his private parts clipped the crossbar as he competed during the 2024 Olympic Games in Paris.

Anthony Ammirati, 21, became an internet sensation over the weekend when a video circulated of him missing his target height, with his cup hitting the pole and knocking it to the floor.

Ammirati also fell to the ground.

"It's a big disappointment," Ammirati said after the failed attempt.

No doubt a meme-worthy mishap, destined for internet infamy. But Anthony can rest assured he’ll always be remembered as the guy who…well you know…

Dr. Breakdance  

In the International Olympic Committee’s ever-expanding mission to include virtually all walks of life, this year featured a breakdance competition. A young Australian white lady by the name of Rachel Gunn (stage name Rae-Gunn) who claims to have a Ph.D in Urban Dance, emerged as a new star, although unfortunately not for her dancing talent. 

In fact, her lack of basic rhythm and inability to nail even the breakdancing basics seem to indicate she may have been the only person to try out for the Australian team. Otherwise, her presence in the competition didn’t seem to make a lot of sense. Perhaps her degree played a role. 

Dr. Gunn’s dance moves remind me a lot of my own, even segueing into “the robot” from time to time. Her signature move (her words) is “the kangaroo” which is pretty much self-explanatory. Somehow I kind of doubt her marsupial-inspired moves will motivate a new wave of Australian white girls to follow in her footsteps. But I could be wrong. It doesn't help that she received zero points from the judges for her performance though.

Look, I like unusual characters and thought this was hugely entertaining. Had this been any other venue I would have assumed the whole thing was parody. But apparently, Dr. Gunn is legit. Either way, you have to hand it to her for engineering an all-expenses paid trip to Paris, even if she doesn’t appear to be in on the joke. She seems completely oblivious to how the world perceives her performances. 

And...maybe it’s all an act. But if so, she’s on a level with Andy Kaufman—a comic genius.

You have to wonder if some aspects of the Olympics have deviated so far from the traditional origins that the whole experience is diluted. Or, maybe it’s just reflective of our changing world. I did read that Poodle Grooming was an olympic event several decades ago.

And, AI's competing in a vast array of arenas seems inevitable. Probably much sooner than we think.